"Once bitten, twice shy" as the old saying goes.
As a young child, I trusted my parents and my grandparents with all my heart. This trust still holds today - no matter what I was doing, or not doing, I always trusted these people.
When I was a young teenager, I fell head over heels for my first real boyfriend. To my eyes he was perfection and I gave him my trust without the blink of an eye. As I grew to know his family, I was overwhelmed and thought they were the most wonderful people in the world. It was not hard to give them my trust.
It wasn't until a few days after the birth of my first daughter that I realized the husband I idolized had betrayed me. He had been carrying on an affair with an older woman at work the entire time I was pregnant. He broke my heart and my trust and I still carry the scars to this day.
Coming from a Christian background, I had to look deep inside myself to figure out what to do. After weeks of praying, I forgave my husband for his misdeeds - after all, we had a small child, what else could we do? I felt obligated to give him a second chance. Life was not perfect after this crisis, but we were both trying. However, I was finding it hard to trust him, and I don't think I ever truly trusted him again. But I was trying.
We went on to have another child and I finally thought my life was back on track. I still loved my husband and slowly the trust was growing back. We had moved from a mobile home into a home we had built on the family farm.
I should have known fate wasn't done with me. Just a few months after our youngest daughter turned two, my husband of six years announced he was leaving. Apparently when I thought we were both on the right track, I find it was only me on the right track. He had started another affair with a different woman - deciding he would rather be with her than his family.
I thought his family would be on my side, after all I was the faithful wife, but I was also the victim. When I found out his mother knew about the affair almost from the beginning, I was crushed. Instead of her telling her son he needed to support his children and wife, she was behind him all the way.
Fast forward four years from my divorce, and I was getting remarried to a wonderful man. My current husband is the total opposite of my ex, but he had to go through several years of me not totally trusting him. I lived in fear that I would be betrayed again.
Fast forward 25 more years and I remain happily married to my second husband. My trust, faith and love have grown to encompass our entire life. I trust my husband to love me and not betray me. I finally have a stable live full of love and happiness.
So, yes, it is hard to earn my trust, but when I finally do trust someone, I trust them with my entire heart, soul and being.