Why
is it that the older I get, the more I question the meaning of life? I
was raised a Christian and I believe in and have accepted Jesus as my
savior. I have raised three daughters in a Baptist environment and my
husband also comes from the same background. My faith in God continues
to grow daily, but along with this growth have come a few questions.
Why are we here? For what purpose are we humans in this world? What is
heaven really like?
For the past 30 years, my life has
consisted of work and raising a family. I sacrificed through three
years of nursing school to become a Registered Nurse, knowing this
career would allow me to provide for my children. I worked almost
thirteen years as a labor and delivery nurse; twelve hour night shifts,
three to four days a week. The first few years were exciting and I
enjoyed providing for my family, but when my youngest - Christine- was a
baby, I felt like I was missing out on the best part of life; I had
already missed so much of my older two daughters' lives. As Christine
grew up, my discontentment with working grew. Was my job worth missing
the formative years of my last child?
No matter how
much I missed being at home with Christine, our family had become
trapped within a vicious money cycle and I felt compelled to continue
working. When Christine was nine, I finally left night shift and the
high risk area OBGYN. The problem now was that I was working with the
extended care patients; I would become attached to my patients and then
they would die. No matter how much I enjoyed talking with and working
with my patients, the overwhelming depression surrounding this type of
work continued to grow. After the death of my sister in 2005, I
realized I couldn’t pretend to be happy any more.
I
had to make my family a priority again. These were the people I was
working so hard for, but it didn’t matter how much I worked if it
continued to keep me away from my family. I took several months off
work to get my life back in order and to reconnect with my family. We
have downsized our style of living and reprioritized the goals for our
future. I have never been so happy.
Of course, you
solve one problem and another one will present itself.This year I again
started questioning the reason for our existence. What does God really
want from us? I feel like He is looking down on Earth as a whole and He
is very sad because of the segregation and lack of humanity all around
us. Why is America the wealthiest country in the world, but the people
of Africa are dying and starving in droves? Why didn’t the US use the
money it spent on the Iraq war to make food drops and provide medication
for all those who suffer?
Why doesn’t the United
States provide for the homeless in our own country? Why do so many
American children live below the poverty level if we are the supposed
richest country? Why are we trying to keep Mexican immigrants out of
our country when we are a country founded on immigrants? With the
exception of the Native Americans, none of us would be here if it were
not for immigration.
We come from the wealthiest nation
in the world, but there are so many people suffering in the United
States. Our government representatives need to be more concerned with
the people instead of being dictated by big business. It is a shame
that lobbiest are the people who are really controlling our nation
instead of the middle class, blue collar workers. It is a shame
pro-sports players make million of dollars per year, but police,
firemen, and other first responders are barely scraping by. It is a
shame Hollywood and media entertainers make millions of dollars per
year, but school teachers have to count every penny.
I know we are not supposed to question God's plan, but hink about it: why are we here?
© Bobbi Rightmyer
